It is… day 28 of isolation during the Covid-19 hullaballoo and I am climbing the walls. Lucky to still have a job, unlucky to have this brain that will never just do a little less. I have given my self a full panic attack at twice, one at 4 in the morning 10 days in, and one 5 days later when they announced that we would be sequestered for at least another 50 days.

We’ve learned not to burn through our serotonin on the weekends, as that leads to truly disastrous Mondays, when, disbelieving we have to go back to work and pretend like ANYTHING is normal. We’ve learned to work in the same house, at the same time, and somehow stagger our bandwidth consumption so we’re not both stutter stepping our way through the 50th Zoom meeting of the day.

We’ve learned that we can handle each other at our absolute most frazzled. We’ve learned to wait.

In the divine parade of the Tarot, the 12th arcanum is that of the Hanged One:

untitled_artwork_(2).png

This card indicates a moment of suspension we can turn to our advantage for refining our plans in greater detail, self-knowledge, and inner work. It can also refer to a block or an inability to take action. Often this card will let us know that the time is not right for making a decision, that the situation or our own view needs to ripen further. If the Hanged One spoke they would say “Without abandoning the world, I have retired from it. With me you will find the will to enter the state where the will no longer exists, where words, emotions, relations, desires, needs no longer bind you.”

So yeah, this is the season of Le Pendu. It’s been a while since I checked in. At my last writing I was wondering what the fuck I am doing with my life, trying to figure out where I want to be going, what I want to be doing, how I want to be feeling. So yeah, NOTHING has really changed on that front — But I’m taking this time to work towards transformation and change. I’ve found a creative spark that I’m patiently fanning. I started going to therapy. I’ve been diligent in introspection. I’ve been breathing.

Over the last year Los Angeles has steadily gotten into me, and I am steadily, still, into it.