I start my new job on the first Monday of April, in seven days. I’m excited and also just… so tired. How long will these skills be viable, valuable? How can I possibly keep this up for another 25 years? I move today from the vaguely exciting, punchy colored world of fan-wiki creation and media consumption to the far more manila-folder world of small business brick-n-mortar management software.

At the beginning of a new job I am struck by the once familiar feeling of starting a new year at school. For me that meant imagining how I would reinvent myself for that year. Obviously I couldn’t shed any of the reputation, nerdishness or general faggotry; this reinvention was chiefly concerned with handwriting. “How will I make my ‘j’s this year? What new ampersand could I employ?” You know, normal 5th grade thoughts.

I find myself entertaining the same fantasy planning now. Maybe this is the job where I never let my email inbox get out of control. Maybe this is the job where my computer is never disorganized. Maybe this is the job where I use some byzantine task software and “get shit done.” I’ll probably just adopt some sort of on-camera uniform and call it a day. “Jory always wears a black shirt.”